Job Chronicles: C.R.E.A.M

Rich Boy sellin crack

dope niggas wanna jack

shit tight no slack

just bought a Cadillac (throw some d’s on that bitch)

just bought a Cadillac (throw some d’s on that bitch)

I never slip, I never fall

A lot of dudes give me they number

But I never call.  

A real O.G look at VIP and see a sista ball!!!

HEYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 See, I had to hit you with a throw back banger real quick to distract you from the fact that it’s been a minute since I’ve been on my blog grind.  Hey, school and work got stressful for a second.  Have you ever taken a statistics class?  No?  Well I suggest you go take a stats class,  get on my level, and tell me if you have time for blogs and shit.  

 
 LOL, nah, I’m playing, I was being lazy.  But for real, I was on my stats grind tho, pulled a B in that class too!  Holla at your girl (pops collar)

So, we last left off, I was off the Tyrese, I was excited because I was falling in love again and now that I’ve fallin what am I gonna do???  Get a new job, that’s what. 

 I decided to hang up the exciting life of hospitality sales and shift gears to the NO MONEY MAKING world of NON PROFIT to be a campaign manager.  No disrespect to the folks who hold it down everyday in the world of non profit, but real talk, that industry makes NO MONEY!  Might as well be a volunteer...I'm just sayin'!   

By the way, why are all the pictures of volunteers are some happy white woman surrounded by needy 47% ass black children....yeah I said it, I'm assuming that they're the black kids that come from a 47% household, what?  Don't act like that didn't cross your mind too! lol

Anyways...don’t get it twisted, my jump from sales to non-profit wasn’t a lateral move, no a sista received a pay raise by taking the job, hell a 5k pay raise and I wasn’t mad at that.    However, prior to that, I embarked on my promotional model grind.  So before I hit you with the United Way info, let me lay the platform of how from 2006 – 2008 I was about my C.R.E.A.M and for those who don’t know, C.R.E.A.M is the cheddar, the bread, the dough…you know, the dollar, dollar bill ya’ll!  And if you know me, you know that don’t nothin’ move but the money…Rakim. But for those of you who really don't know C.R.E.A.M stands for Cash Rules Everything Around Me! WU-TANG FOREVER!

So, during my last few months at the Marriott, I decided to try the modeling thing... again.  I went to the open call and of course, they fell in love with me on the spot!  Had me up in Harrisburg PA signing a deal and getting pictures done for my comp cards faster than I can say Southernplayalisticadillacmusik.  

 Long story short, that shit was a bust, AGAIN!!! Why do I say that? Well, because my ass would not be sitting here blogging abut boring ass jobs, I’d be in San Tropez (beaches south of France for those of you who slept through geography), sippin some of that Rozay smoking on that Keisha with a condo on my wrist cashin’ out!

Instead of having runway dreams, they had me in aisle ways of Wal-Mart slangin caress soap.  I was making $25 an hour (4 hours max) to be a promotional model each week for a different product, one week Caress Soap, next week, Neutrogena Cooling spray, and after that Shick Shavers for women.  This was NOT the business. But hey, I wasn’t mad at the $100 over the weekend for minimal work.  But there was nothing glamorous about the being a promo model.  So, after I told my agency to either get me a real gig or I’m out…. they laughed at me.  Therefore, I took my comp cards and said eff the modeling world and from that day forth, I hate on EVERY SINGLE MODEL I SEE!  Not because they’re pretty, but because that was my aspiration.  Who ever said dreams come true ain’t never had to slang caress soaps in the aisles of wal mart in Lancaster, PA!  HATING. 

 okay, so I didn't look this ghetto, but you catch my drift!

Moving along.

Any how, although I was slanging soaps, it didn’t matter because you know why??  I WAS FALLING IN LOVE!   Check this out ya’ll, I had a man who was all about me who not only went with me to Lancaster to slang soaps, but he sat in the car in the parking lot of that Wal-Mart to wait for his sweetheart to get finished.  AWWW, it was such a cute little puppy love!  He loved that I was about my money and I loved that he would spend the day waiting on me to work.  Who does that?  Who sits out front of your job waiting for you to end your shift?  That’s love, or at least the “newness” of love.  

So, after I gave the fake me out modeling agency the finger, I found another promo job, this time promoting for something way better.....ALCOHOL!  I became a Jagermiester girl....or so I thought.  I was technically hired and trained to promote for Jagermiester.  

Don't get mad, because what I'm about to say may sound racist, but the only people that I know who drink this shit is...WHITE PEOPLE.  Just like I'm sure the only people you know to drink Hennessy is who? Yep, BLACK PEOPLE.  Okay, so moving on! 
So, I was set to work for my new "work from home" manager as a liquor promotions girl.  The summer of 2006 was poppin, I did a couple of Jager promos and it was cool, until they threw me in the hood!  What is up with white people thinking just because I'm black I belong in the hood?  I mean don't get me wrong, I got love for SOME hoods.  The hood in Seattle, got love.  The hood in Severn (Pioneer City--Shout out to Shazzle), I got love.   But the hood in Baltimore....OH HELL NO!   See, they sprung a new drink on me called Jacques Cardin!  

 bootleg, jive ass 1975 Jet magazine looking poster they had me putting up.

 Jacques Cardin!  Who?  JACQUES CARDIN!  That is how many times I had to say it to niggas in the hood because if it isn't Remy or Hennessy don't no body want to drink some Jocks Car-nothing!  Anyways, it was a new cognac they were trying to release to the "multicultural markets."  In other words, more poison to feed to the black neighborhoods.  You know black people love they cognac:

 Almost made Pinky spill his 'Yac on his suit! 

Now, keep in mind, you have to appreciate the fact that I wasn't in your typical bar, oh now, I was IN THE HOOD OF WEST & EAST BALTIMORE!  BALTIMORE!!  

B-A-L-T-I-M-O-R-E  Bloody-More Murderland!  DANGER!!! I was going to neighborhoods where the blocks looked like this:

 However, I love black folks, because we're emotional and protective--at times.   So, I really didn't have any issues.  Most of the bar owners made sure me and the other promo chick was escorted to our cars safely and we never did promos by ourselves. Besides, these drunk fools wanted to believe that was me in the poster above.  Okay, sure sir what ever it will take to make you buy the drink and not bother me and no, you can not have my phone number.

After 2 months of being in the hood and my boyfriend at the time like "girl, if you don't tell your boss to get you up out them hood ass bars, before I have to say something, we're gonna have problems."  Hell, long gone were the days of him sitting outside waiting for me.  What did the newness wear off, or perhaps he wasn't messing with West Baltimore after 7pm?  Anyways, I finally told my boss, check this out, you gotta put me where my life is not in danger.  So, I started doing more "general market" bars...

 That's more like it, get me somewhere bright and I feel safe.  White people aren't the only ones who like safety....I like it too, dammit! 

Wow, I talked so long about my side gigs doing my promotional thizzle, I ran out of blog time. 

So, until next time...

NEXT: I'll continue with United Way....Fred, keep on me!  :)