I hate Facebook.
Since 2008 when I joined, I’ve always hated it—Twitter was my first “super” social site and is currently my favorite. I say “super” social sites because we won’t count AOL Voices, Black Planet, and Myspace (may they rest in peace), but these “super” social sites have IPO’s—yes, I have stock in Twitter since it is my favorite social site.
But I didn’t come on here to talk about social site preferences, but rather the content.
In the last few days, Facebook has erupted with adorable (and not so adorable) photos of Daughter/Son appreciation. Those who are childless have had the luxury of looking at the photos shared, whereas some (like me) scroll right past all the photos only stopping at what incites us.
So, the asshole part, okay, I’m getting to it.
Let me put this out there for those who may have sensitivities to my delivery, approach, or candor. This isn't a blog to negate parenting or complain about a post, but instead, the son/daughter appreciation pictures on Facebook inspired me to touch on this topic.
A few months ago I was asked why I haven’t had any kids. It’s a pressing question that MANY people have asked or have wanted to ask and either I gave a reason or I redirected the conversation.
I have my reasonssssssss (EWF) on why I am childless, and no, I will not get into it because it’s really no one’s business, but more so because of what I am about to say...
It’s an asshole question to ask, period. There, I said it. It's intrusive and insensitive.
Yes, I get some may be curious, but it’s inconsiderate of the person you’re asking for many reasons.
1. You don’t know what trauma that person has suffered: loss of a child, forced abortion, medical reasons, lifestyle, a failed marriage, etc. And here you are triggering their trauma for your own curiosity.
2. You’re being nosy…stop it. Don’t try to sugarcoat it with being concerned or it's part of the conversation...bottom line, you’re curious and frankly, nosy. IF that person wants to tell you why they do not have kids, LET THEM TELL YOU, don’t pry. You're not Wendy Williams, Dr. Phil, or Iyanla. And if you MUST know, ask in a delicate fashion--be sincere in your approach.
3. Respect Singleness: If someone tells you they don’t want kids because they enjoy their freedom, their money, the peace of mind, their quiet time…RESPECT THAT. We ALL make life choices and believe it or not, some have made the choice to not parent, and guess what THAT’S OKAY.
4. Understand tradition: If someone wants to be married first and not have a slew of baby mommas or baby fathers, again, RESPECT THAT. We know marriage doesn’t guarantee lifelong commitment to co-parenting, but some people feel comfortable going about it a more traditional way by having a wife/husband first before bringing a child into the world.
5. Life Happens: Some people set out to have kids and guess what, they were too busy living life and oops, didn’t get around to it, so what. IT'S OKAY.
So, my point in this short blog is to encourage you all who are dying to know why a person doesn’t have kids to take a moment to curb your own curiosity and sincerely listen to someone. Your context clues may be able to pick up on why that person doesn’t have children without you having to pry.
IF a person ultimately wants to be a parent, trust that it is 2021 they’ll find a way to become a parent it’s not up to you to ask them when, how, or why. Nor for you to JUDGE THEM either way.
No need on Mother's Day to shed pity and say things "you'll make a great mother one day!"
No need to say, "OMG, those legs, you really should give the world a track star."
No need to say "you and I can make the next Lisa Leslie" --
Lawd! I love this. ❤ I have a slew of children and am blessed beyond measure, buy guess what....if I didn't have any kids I would still be blessed beyond measure! You deserve to be whoever and HAVE whoever you please. Congratulations to you sis. Single life is gggrrreeat! Live it up.
ReplyDeleteThank you, girl! <3
DeleteCan I tell you how much I love this and I have kids!!!!!!! But for 35 years, I got so tired of that question from grown people being nosy. The only people I accepted it from where my students who gave me their opinions based on how I treated them. So to the 14 year old girl crying on my shoulder, yes I'd be an awesome mother because I gave her 5 minutes to say all her curse words about the 14 year old boy that was being a 14 year old boy. Between that and then after I had them, don't you want more? Or don't you think they need a sister? I think you need to mind your business because I'm not paying for a sister are you??
ReplyDeleteThank you!!!!
DeleteIn my years of life, I believe at times, people just talk to talk and don't realize what they're saying nor who they're saying it to. I try to provide grace and give benefit of the doubt, but for myself and others, asking someone's status on dating, marriage, kids, etc., is intrusive and even more shocking when there isn't any familiarity between you and the person, that is when it is especially rude.
THIS...
ReplyDeleteThank you !
DeleteI agree! People need to mind their own business, respect people's privacy and stop being so judgmental. Worry about what is happening in their own life and stop reflecting their insecurities upon others. I Love You Lisa, Do You Boo!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Ms. Lynnette! Love you too!
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