Oh, she's THAT girl?

All of you are my friends....well for the most part some of you front like you're my friend, why, I don't know, it's not like you'll get a special prize or extra benefits from being my friend.  Don't get me wrong, I'm cool as hell, if you don't pressure me or if you're not fake to me.  Which leads me to the topic of this blog.  Friends. 

Don't you hate when you have to psyche yourself out to deal with someone or a certain group of people? 

C'mon, don't act like you've never had to do it at least 5 times in your adult life.  Hell, as a teen you probably had to do it when dealing with your parents.

 You know you did something wrong, and you're ready to walk in the house, and you give yourself that pep talk like....
"okay, just go in the house, don't make any eye contact, act like everything is normal.  If dad brings it up, just remind him of the awful things he did when he was in high school.  If mom says something, remind her she was pregnant at 16"  

See, so we've all had to some what prepare our minds to deal with people and/or situations.

With that being said, I hate that people won't allow me to be me.  For the most part, I'm the lovable, Lisa Queen.  However, I have some issues, just like the rest of the humans in the world.  Yet, what gets me, is the people who don't let me do me.  

You know, you have that friend that "senses" there is something wrong, and typically there is, but you just don't want to talk about it with THEM. 

Now, don't get me wrong,  I LOVE people who are empathetic and want to help and are genuine about their care, and those are the FRIENDS that don't have to ask what's wrong, because you're running to them with tears and snot running down your face in the first place. They're the friends who'll say "Girl, you're out of pocket, you're wrong, stop crying!"  Or they're the friends that say "girl, I know what you mean girl, yes girl, he is a bastard and we should get drunk and go slash his tires....or maybe just send him a nasty text!"  

No, the friends I'm talking about are the friends who can't wait to unleash their "non-expert-never-been-through-what-you're-going-through" unsolicited opinions on you forcing you to:

A) listen to their "advice" on the situation, when really you didn't ask for it, since they're the ones that "sensed" something was wrong and dragged it out of you anyways.  

B) put on this front like they're the best friend you've ever had for the bad advice they're giving you in the first place. Hence, the prepping yourself to deal with them.
C) Give you a empty cliches like "pray on it girl", "may god bless your situation", "time heals all pain"  SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE REAL!   I have a friend...former friend who was the KING of this crap!
Example:
Him: how are you?
Lisa: dude, I'm hungover, I'm at work and I just want to slice everyone across their face.
Him: I will pray for you and your strength.  Drink water, have a nice day.

WHAT?  Dude you're not my friend...get off my phone, fake ass.

My real friends would have been like:
Friend: What up Lisa
Lisa: OMG, I'm hungover, I'm at work and I just want to slice everyone across the face
Friend: Well, before you get your switch blade, take an advil, drink some water and eat a snickers, because you're not yourself when you're hungry.

See!  That is what friends say/do. 

I have a few friends who just don't know how to talk to me or really be a friend.  I mean, they're cool people, you know the ones you can laugh with, go shopping with, catch a good movie with....hang out.  But, they're not so good on the letting me, be me, tip.  

Sometimes I'm an asshole, sometimes I'm overly sensitive and emotional, sometimes I have a hood mentality and sometimes I simply need to take a xanax and get over myself, but the point is, they don't let me do me.  They always have some "funk" to say like "you're too nonchalant" or "you're too cynical and you're tainted"  

So to spare those comments, I sometimes will ignore their calls if I know I'm having one of those "cynical" days.  But then I get the "oh are you ignoring me?"  Yes, as a matter of fact I am, because I could be fake to you, and force a mood with you, that I'm not in the mood to force!  Or I could spare you my cynical attitude today.  Yet, I really can't say that because then they'll get into their feelings and we have a whole new blog called "walking on eggshells around certain friends" 

Hell in all actuality perhaps they're not friends for me, their friends for themselves to make themselves feel important that they take pity on my life and situations and it makes them feel good about themselves.  

Uh, that was too much.....come back Lisa

Yo, my temple is complex, and I THANK GOD for the friends who love me unconditionally!!  Some of those friends don't read blogs, they're the friends that are "can't-read-more-than-140 characters-at-a-time" challenged.  But bless their hearts, they're the friends that I will call and tell them about this blog and talk about the other friend who's call I ignored because I'm having a bad day. 

Perhaps you've dealt with people like that????  Maybe it's just me!  Yeah....maybe! lol 

Coming live and direct from the temple of Malisea Queen....where I'm poppin Oxy's and ignoring your calls!