Before I start this blog, I will be all the way honest in saying that I'm not a 100% fan. I'm a flawed MJB fan. I've betrayed my sister-cousin-auntie-best friend and I did not buy this album.
Call me what you want, I've been everything under the sun in regards to names I've been called, so go ahead call me a, "sell out", "fair-weather fan" or whatever, but at the time MJB was releasing this album, I was undergoing THE WORST BREAKUP OF MY LIFE. I did not have time to hear ANYTHING!
Why did we break up....buy the book to find out....ahhh haaa, you gotta wait on it! lol
The break up was something that was long coming. The happiness, the giddiness, the excitement was GONE. However, what I hated was that I did not have my friend. I still loved E with ALL OF MY HEART but the passion, consistency, expectations of a future, all had diminished and was on life support. Despite having love on life support, I felt that I still had a friend. What I've learned is that men can not love you and still be your friend, it's all or nothing. Whereas the way I'm wired, just because we're not in a relationship doesn't mean we can not still be friends. So, again, that is me learning that what I WANT was not being granted on any levels. Love levels, friendship levels...the life, love, friendship and relationship that I wanted at the time was all being white washed...literally. Our break up came at the worst time, during the horrific snow storm of 2010!
We were snowed in for 4 days. Imagine, you live with your ex and you're both snowed in but not talking to each other. Hell, we wouldn't be in the same room. If I was upstairs, he was downstairs. If I was downstairs, he was upstairs. He did not want to look at me. I'd ask if he wanted to play Monopoly, he'd look at me off the Kanye:
I'm sure the fellas can appreciate this look, because I was totally trying to be lighthearted and friendly, yet he was looking at me like, "Bitch if you don't get out my face talking about some damn Monopoly, I will kill you."
I know I orchestrated the "break up", however to me, it didn't mean we weren't still friends and hell, what else would we do in a snow storm?? NOTHING! That's exactly what we did!
We were in this house like two goldfish in a small bowl. Well, he was more like a shark ready to take my head off.
That's me, Nemo, asking E, the Shark to play Monopoly. Yeah, it wasn't pretty. At least the shark is smiling, E wasn't.
Eventually the snow melted, but hearts remained cold. By Spring, E had moved out.
So, I vividly remember my soror/road dog, Christine telling about this MJB album. You know Christine is on the imaginary MJB promotions team, and she was going on about how great the album was, but I wasn't trying to hear all that. The only song that I was resonating with at the time was "The One" because despite any and everything, my big ol ego was like, "yep I'm the one":
Them other girl's you done been with
None of them got nothing on me
Hating on my style they aint got nothing on me....nothing on me
Way I walk, the way I talk, my swagga...look around; every dude wanna have her
I ain't saying that I'm the best, but I'm the best, hey baby you need that
Mary had tracks on that album like "Good Love" "I Love you", I Feel Good". I wasn't trying to hear all that. Even her song, Each Tear...sure it had good lyrics, but I was on another level, matter of fact I was on my Chrisette Michelle, "Epiphany"
So I think I'm just about over being your girlfriend
I'm leaving, I'm leaving
No more wondering what you've been doing
Where you been sleeping
(it's over)
I'm leaving
I'm leaving
Although I quarterbacked the break up due to things that had happened, the detoxing process of love had me very bipolar. I hated him and I loved him. One day, I would cry my eyeballs out for him, the next day, I'd feel like a weigh had been lifted off me. That thin line between love and hate is real as a muthafucka. I sound of his voice could make my whole body quiver, then the simple thought of the dirt he did made me want to set him of fire!
So in this case, when my BFF Mary J Blige isn't bringing it for me, my second musical BFF is Erykah Badu. Yes, I know, me and Badu waiver back and forth. If you follow my blogs, Badu and I got into a little Twitter spat, but like most BFFs you fight and make up, it's all good. Badu is my girl 50 grand in the hand! So when Mary can't be there, Erykah steps right on in, and that Mama's Gun album is the equivalent to MJB's My Life Album
Can you peep how thorough Badu is tho, she got a toothpick in her mouth on her album cover. I love this chick!!!
Ladies...can we all agree that the Erykah Badu song, "Green Eyes" is in fact THE BEST BREAK UP SONG IN LIFE!!! She goes through EVERY.SINGLE.EMOTION of a break up. The insecure part, the feeling of being dissed, the feeling of betrayal, the feeling of when the man loses his love for you, the yearning to make love to him one more time, even the desperate pleading...and then at the end when she has her own epiphany and is like FUCK YOU! BEST SONG EVER!!! That song made me feel like it was okay to suffer heartache, to mourn the loss of love and that it was certainly okay to give him the middle finger...behind his back of course.
Bad gal, Rih Rih always good for it! Middle finger to ALL you men who hurt my heart, you bastards! Okay, I'm sorry, I'm just sensitive...I love you!!!! (sike, lol)
But in the end Badu said for me exactly what I was feeling...
You never knew what a friendship was
You never knew how to really love
If you can't be what I need you to
Then I don't know why i fuck with you
I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand these growing pains
-- Green Eyes, Erykah Badu
And if I don't be dammed, the same album has Bag Lady on it! The ultimate "get your life" song.
Girl I know, sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go ooo ooo
Ohh, when someone hurts you
Ohh, so bad inside
You can't deny it
You can't stop cryin'
If you start breathing, you won't believe it
you'll feel so much better, so much better better baby
let it go, let it go, let it gooooo
betcha love can make it better
-- Bag Lady, Erykah Badu
So you see, although I love me some Mary J Blige, she is my ultimate sister-auntie-cousin-best friend, however, I had to turn to my other sister-auntie-cousin-best friend Erykah for this particular heartache. It was like Mary was on tour and Badu came and put her lyrical arms around me while I was in the abyss of my own sorrow and tears. it's amazing what songs can do for your soul and your psyche. Sure, I could have gone back to old faithful, "My Life", but in a sense, I had graduated from the "My Life" album and there were other songs that was filling the void of my tainted heart.
I'll spare you all the details of my downward spiral post break up, no use living in the past, right? So this blog was short and sweet!
Hmm, perhaps I should download this Mary album that's missing from my collection.
Next: My Life II...Mary's Journey continues and so does mine
Call me what you want, I've been everything under the sun in regards to names I've been called, so go ahead call me a, "sell out", "fair-weather fan" or whatever, but at the time MJB was releasing this album, I was undergoing THE WORST BREAKUP OF MY LIFE. I did not have time to hear ANYTHING!
Why did we break up....buy the book to find out....ahhh haaa, you gotta wait on it! lol
The break up was something that was long coming. The happiness, the giddiness, the excitement was GONE. However, what I hated was that I did not have my friend. I still loved E with ALL OF MY HEART but the passion, consistency, expectations of a future, all had diminished and was on life support. Despite having love on life support, I felt that I still had a friend. What I've learned is that men can not love you and still be your friend, it's all or nothing. Whereas the way I'm wired, just because we're not in a relationship doesn't mean we can not still be friends. So, again, that is me learning that what I WANT was not being granted on any levels. Love levels, friendship levels...the life, love, friendship and relationship that I wanted at the time was all being white washed...literally. Our break up came at the worst time, during the horrific snow storm of 2010!
We were snowed in for 4 days. Imagine, you live with your ex and you're both snowed in but not talking to each other. Hell, we wouldn't be in the same room. If I was upstairs, he was downstairs. If I was downstairs, he was upstairs. He did not want to look at me. I'd ask if he wanted to play Monopoly, he'd look at me off the Kanye:
I'm sure the fellas can appreciate this look, because I was totally trying to be lighthearted and friendly, yet he was looking at me like, "Bitch if you don't get out my face talking about some damn Monopoly, I will kill you."
I know I orchestrated the "break up", however to me, it didn't mean we weren't still friends and hell, what else would we do in a snow storm?? NOTHING! That's exactly what we did!
We were in this house like two goldfish in a small bowl. Well, he was more like a shark ready to take my head off.
Eventually the snow melted, but hearts remained cold. By Spring, E had moved out.
So, I vividly remember my soror/road dog, Christine telling about this MJB album. You know Christine is on the imaginary MJB promotions team, and she was going on about how great the album was, but I wasn't trying to hear all that. The only song that I was resonating with at the time was "The One" because despite any and everything, my big ol ego was like, "yep I'm the one":
Them other girl's you done been with
None of them got nothing on me
Hating on my style they aint got nothing on me....nothing on me
Way I walk, the way I talk, my swagga...look around; every dude wanna have her
I ain't saying that I'm the best, but I'm the best, hey baby you need that
Mary had tracks on that album like "Good Love" "I Love you", I Feel Good". I wasn't trying to hear all that. Even her song, Each Tear...sure it had good lyrics, but I was on another level, matter of fact I was on my Chrisette Michelle, "Epiphany"
So I think I'm just about over being your girlfriend
I'm leaving, I'm leaving
No more wondering what you've been doing
Where you been sleeping
(it's over)
I'm leaving
I'm leaving
Although I quarterbacked the break up due to things that had happened, the detoxing process of love had me very bipolar. I hated him and I loved him. One day, I would cry my eyeballs out for him, the next day, I'd feel like a weigh had been lifted off me. That thin line between love and hate is real as a muthafucka. I sound of his voice could make my whole body quiver, then the simple thought of the dirt he did made me want to set him of fire!
So in this case, when my BFF Mary J Blige isn't bringing it for me, my second musical BFF is Erykah Badu. Yes, I know, me and Badu waiver back and forth. If you follow my blogs, Badu and I got into a little Twitter spat, but like most BFFs you fight and make up, it's all good. Badu is my girl 50 grand in the hand! So when Mary can't be there, Erykah steps right on in, and that Mama's Gun album is the equivalent to MJB's My Life Album
Ladies...can we all agree that the Erykah Badu song, "Green Eyes" is in fact THE BEST BREAK UP SONG IN LIFE!!! She goes through EVERY.SINGLE.EMOTION of a break up. The insecure part, the feeling of being dissed, the feeling of betrayal, the feeling of when the man loses his love for you, the yearning to make love to him one more time, even the desperate pleading...and then at the end when she has her own epiphany and is like FUCK YOU! BEST SONG EVER!!! That song made me feel like it was okay to suffer heartache, to mourn the loss of love and that it was certainly okay to give him the middle finger...behind his back of course.
But in the end Badu said for me exactly what I was feeling...
You never knew what a friendship was
You never knew how to really love
If you can't be what I need you to
Then I don't know why i fuck with you
I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand these growing pains
-- Green Eyes, Erykah Badu
And if I don't be dammed, the same album has Bag Lady on it! The ultimate "get your life" song.
Girl I know, sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go ooo ooo
Ohh, when someone hurts you
Ohh, so bad inside
You can't deny it
You can't stop cryin'
If you start breathing, you won't believe it
you'll feel so much better, so much better better baby
let it go, let it go, let it gooooo
betcha love can make it better
-- Bag Lady, Erykah Badu
So you see, although I love me some Mary J Blige, she is my ultimate sister-auntie-cousin-best friend, however, I had to turn to my other sister-auntie-cousin-best friend Erykah for this particular heartache. It was like Mary was on tour and Badu came and put her lyrical arms around me while I was in the abyss of my own sorrow and tears. it's amazing what songs can do for your soul and your psyche. Sure, I could have gone back to old faithful, "My Life", but in a sense, I had graduated from the "My Life" album and there were other songs that was filling the void of my tainted heart.
I'll spare you all the details of my downward spiral post break up, no use living in the past, right? So this blog was short and sweet!
Hmm, perhaps I should download this Mary album that's missing from my collection.
Next: My Life II...Mary's Journey continues and so does mine
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