Me and Mary: My Life with Mary J. Blige--Growing Pains

All hail to the Queen!!! MJB had me at day one with her new album, Growing Pains!

This album was LIKE THAT!!!  In this era of music, you know Beyonce, Rihanna, Fantasia, etc, it’s hard to still capture an audience, especially an audience with a skewed ear for great music and has a short attention span. However, Mary really did it on this album, at least for me she did.  

Granted, a younger generation isn’t going to appreciate a MJB album like I would since I’ve been rocking with her since 1992 and all, but to still be in the game, be relevant and still achieve accolades, is why she was still my role model!!!  My sister-auntie-cousin-best friend, Mary was still giving me life, and now at a more mature, confident time in my life.  

Picture it, Baltimore, 2008 I was in the PERFECT Public Relations job, the relationship with my boo had seen its fair share of ups and downs.  Gotta get the book to understand…oh wait it’s not out yet, well…wait on it. 

There were fights, indiscretions, break ups and make-ups.  But guess what, we persevered again and again through it all.  That is the thing about love, when you are in love with someone, good, bad or ugly, you work it out and you keep rising to the top and give it all you got, give it all you got because, ain’t no half steppin… 

Or can we break it down Big Daddy Kane style

oh sorry ya’ll know my hip hop slips out from time to time. #hiphoptheloveofmylife

 

By the summer of 2008, I had a live in boyfriend and life was good!  No, matter of fact, I was JUST FINE!!!

That song right there, the minute it drops, it makes you feel good.  Take a minute to listen to the song...

 

 

See, it gets you to your soul, right.  It makes you feel good!!! If you listen to it and you don't immediately feel good, you’re an evil depressed troll.  

I digress.

I can go on and on about all the songs on that album: 

If you love me (really goes hard in the soul)

Talk to me
Feel Like a Woman

Til the morning (my jam, aye)

Shake down w/ Usher…that joint right there stayed on repeat!! AYYYEEE.   

I’m telling you, the album was solid, I certainly liked it better than The Breakthrough, and even more, I was in a better place in my heart and soul to receive it in it’s entirety. That is the thing with MJB, you have to some what be in the right space to receive the songs--at least in my experience with her.  There are people who are extreme fans, like my girl Christine, who is MJB's number 1 fan, she doesn't have to be in any space, she receives MJB from the gate.  Please give Christine residuals for her MJB promotions, baby girl be on it when an MJB album drops! lol 

 Love you, Christine!!!

Any how, it is truly amazing what a man’s love will do to you.  I don’t think men truly understand the transformation that takes place in a woman when they're being loved properly and the relationship is healthy.  E and I could laugh and talk for HOURS (still do).  Days that we fought, and we did, we would give each other space to “atone” and we’d come back like nothing ever happened.  I was confident, secure in whom I was, I was more considerate, more grateful, and more determined to get ahead in life.  He gave me life for real.  This album summarized the relationship he and I was going through.  THANK YOU, MARY J BLIGE for being RIGHT on time with Growing Pains because the entire album was singing my soul just like "My Life", but in a totally new realm of life and love.

On the real,  love is a total life giver, which is why when heartbreak occurs; some people don’t recover from that shit, because love is so POWERFUL.  What makes me sad, are the people who take love for granted.  The force of a good relationship is so enriching. I experienced it firsthand and it was the BEST thing to happen to me.  Some one recently said to me, “…some women think marriage is the Holy Grail”.  Well, if marriage isn’t the holy grail of love, then what is? 

Perhaps I took it out of context, but when you have GOOD love, it’s so damn wonderful, the only way to totally commit to that person and commit to that love is through marriage, in my opinion, the Holy Grail.  When I was in love, and being treated like the Queen that I am, ALL I WANTED WAS FOR HIM TO LOVE ME AND MARRY ME...the total commitment.  But the key phrase, "I WANTED"  if he doesn't want it, that is another story.   And of course, it has to be with the right person, God forbid you get married to the wrong person just for the sake of getting married.  

Exhibit #1, Star Jones wrong guy, wrong marriage ^^^^^^

Anyways, I will NOT talk about something I know nothing about…MARRIAGE!  Besides,  I hate talking marriage/relationships with married people. SOME OF THEM seem to suffer from a condition called “single person amnesia”.  They forget the plight.  Suddenly, when they’re married, they’re now the experts on relationships.  I get it, they've obtained something the single person hasn’t YET, but they seem to forget about the single life struggle, I'm just sayin'.  Oh great, the angry brides will come for me now.  Chill, I didn’t send for ya’ll I was just sayin, some of ya'll get caught up in the wonderful rapture of marriage, you "seemingly" look down on/pity single life!!!! LOL

can we all agree Kenya Moore is the b*tch we LOVE to HATE!!!  LOL she gives me "hate a b*tch" life!

I digress...again...

Moving along, moving along…

There is one song on the Growing Pains album that was key and is my all time FAVORITE song on the album, "Hurt Again".   I felt Mary wrote and sang especially FOR ME!  You see, Mary knows that I’m her mini me, that we like to act super hardcore, but really we’re piles of mush on the inside.  The greatest secret about me, well its not a secret any more, is that I’m extremely sensitive, and because I’m sensitive, at times I am so harsh, especially with men, it's a self defense mechanism.  I will cuss you out and go in my car and cry.  I’ll call you all kinds of MF’s, you ain’t shit, your momma ain’t shit, if you knew your daddy, that n*gga ain’t shit either…then I’ll go home and cry my eyes out because I hate to hurt people, but if I feel I was hurt first, oh I’m relentless.   The way my heart and emotions are set up, I can't take being hurt so I go for the jugular. 

Just like Pac, I’m sensitive ya’ll, please forgive me!! Before Kanye, Pac was the for real take your head off dude.  Pac would snatch your soul if you came at him wrong.  But my nigga Ye never ceases in the angry black rapper movement:

I love a good asshole rapper!!!  Kanye is the BEST!!!! 

Or a good asshole football player

AYE, and for the real, don't NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY SEAHAWKS OR THAT SUPERBOWL GAME!  They still beat out your team (unless your team is the Patriots)!!  Congrats to the 2014 NFC Champs, I love ya'll! 

But anyways, you see, I have a little frame, but a LARGE EGO, so the song Hurt Again resonated with me, check out these lyrics, especially the bold sections, because yep, that's me!

 Sometimes
I really don't wanna have to speak my mind(speak my mind)
Cause I really don't wanna tell you how I
Am digging you so
I can't let go
But it hurts me to my soul
To tell you every little thing that is on my mind
I can't let you know so I hide it inside
Want my feelings for you
Don't want you to
Let it go to your head
I be mean to you sometimes (sometimes)
But I can't get you off my mind
So I hit you with the game
Always trying to act like your loving doesn't phase me
When the truth is that it amaze me
And I know it's a big lie
Cause you can see right through my eyes
How much I wanna hold you
Give you all my loving baby boy let me show you
And I really wanna get to know you
But I've been there
And I've done that
And I promise never to get hurt again
Never no no
Never again, never hurt again
You drive me crazy but I promise myself
Never to get hurt again
Never again, never hurt again
I can't never ever let you see me this way (see me this way)
So I take all my feelings and I tuck them away
Frontin like I don't want you to hold me tight
So I act like I'm putting up a fight (putting up a fight)
To get your attention (tention)
And make you stay around longer (longer)
So I tell you I don't like it
Cause I know that that will make you wanna hold me tighter
I can't help myself I really like ya
But I've been there
And I've done that
And I promise never to get hurt again
Never again, never hurt again
You drive me crazy but I promise myself
Never to get hurt again
Never again, never hurt again

 

I would front on E, act mean to him, tell him he wasn't trying hard enough, just so I could see how committed he was to me.  Granted, you’re not suppose to do that to people, I now know this, but his love was so unbelievable to me that I had to constantly have him prove it to me.  And guess what, he did.  Over and over again!  My key phrase “you don’t love me!”  and what happen, he’d do something amazing to show me that he did, and on cue I'd say, "aww you love me!!!"  It could be simple as pick me up from work, which I loved. 

Pause:  I don’t know about you ladies, but I LOVE A MAN TO PICK ME UP FROM WORK.  I have no idea what it is.  The only person to do it was E and he would shake his head like “I don’t understand why you get so giddy” I don’t know either, but it gave me a feeling of excitement to see him pulling up to come and get ME!!!  See, I’m simple!   One day in particular, I was feeling very down about my job and life.  E, came and picked me up from work, took me around the corner to the carnival, we rode the Ferris wheel and he won me a big ass stuffed dog.  Men, the whole carnival thing with winning prizes is super exciting and romantic, do that shit fellas, do that shit!!! Proving his love with SIMPLE things, my heart would do flips!  

Ohhh, the joys of love...until it's over...

Next: Stronger with Each Tear...literally