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Dear Love


Dear Love,

It’s been awhile since we’ve talked and I have so much to get off my chest.  The shit you’ve done, the shit we’ve done to each other—I need it to stop, now!



I was so young when I met you, we had good times, the feeling was amazing. I held you to such a high regard and on a pedestal.  However, it seemed over time you became distant to me—unfamiliar.  It was almost like I was searching for you at weird times and in weird places. 



Time passed and our dynamics changed.  But, if I’m honest, my desires for you changed.  You started to show me your true dynamics, even times when I wasn’t ready or prepared.  When you’re good, Love you’re so DOPE!!  When you’re shining (and I watch you) you are unstoppable—almost powerful!  You amaze me, Love all the time with me and with others, you simply amaze me! 



Yet, I keep seeing you around and sometimes you make me so angry.  I sit back, hating, thinking to myself, “humph, look at Love over there shining like how he used to shine with me!”   

Because of you Love, I started to question myself.  Perhaps there is some disconnect within myself that you would always leave me and thrive with others.  What is it about me that makes you leave me, Love?



Now, I know my homegirls, Pride and Ego would show up and get all in my ear and tell me, “Love don’t love you, “ or “Girl, Love is for suckas, we’re your girls, we hold you down always.”   

I have to laugh, because I know how much you despise them heffas and you constantly tell me, I don’t need them when dealing with you.  Truth is, you’re right, I would listen to my girls way too much.  I don't know something about them felt so strong and powerful whenever you made me vulnerable—my girls had my back, picked me up, and protected me from whenever you broke me down. 



However, lets talk about your homeboys, Deceit and Arrogance. Yeah, you don’t wanna talk about them do you?   

Check it, you’ve done some slimy undermining things to me and hid behind your boys to protect you.  When my girls Pride and Ego mounted up on your ass, you unleashed your punk ass friend Arrogance and then sooner or later that bitch ass Deceit would come around. When you let your boys get in your ear it hurt me, too.  I just let my girls handle it because I couldn’t take it.  C'mon son, that shit would hurt my heart to the core, Love.   

Ohhhh, and lets not forget about your “female friends”, Lust and Infatuation.  Those heffas are the worst!  They get in my ear too, trying to be like, “girl Love adores you, straight up, Love is feeling you, girl, don’t trip." Yet, it was like Deceit put them up to it to distract me.  Shit, call me simple because it worked.  Lust and Infatuation would have me caught up, and really all they were doing was pushing me further away from your truth—they were front men for Deceit and Arrogance.



So, let me do this so that you and I can clear the air...



I’m sorry Love—that I ever doubted you.

I’m sorry Love—that I’ve taken you for granted time and time again.

I’m sorry Love—that I only wanted you for selfish ambitions.

I’m sorry Love—for the times I used you in vain.

I’m sorry Love—for the times I took advantage of you.

I’m sorry Love—for cursing your name when you went away.

I’m sorry Love—for not learning from you.

I’m sorry Love—for acting as though I was better than you.

I’m sorry Love—for being envious of you when you’re innocently with others.

I’m sorry Love—for down playing you in front of my friends and family.

I’m sorry love—for not being patient with you when you needed it the most.

I’m sorry Love—for confusing you and your intent with others.

I’m sorry Love—for pushing you to the side and ignoring you when you were chasing me.

I’m sorry Love—for haphazardly giving you to others who were undeserving.

I’m sorry Love—that when I’m in the dark and all alone and I need you and suffering without you—you’re nowhere to be found.



Lets make a deal, I will leave Pride and Ego alone if you agree to leave Deceit and Arrogance alone. 



I know that you will never leave me, and that you will always stay within me and in my soul.  I know that I reserve parts of you when I interact with friends and family.  But I want, you—A Love to call my own.
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