Breaking up with Baltimore

Picture it.  Seattle, August 2003—I was young, fresh, and fly, yet depressed.  I was having the time of my life, but I had nothing going for me.  I was a college graduate, yet working in a call center.  I had just climbed my way out of the “side-chick” zone to main chick with a man, who at the time was not ready to take things to the next level.  He was like, “um, you just got to main chick, slow down, boo.”  However, I was too restless.  I had just attended my older brother’s wedding feeling super gloom and hopeless. 

I was harboring a secret that I did not tell anyone and was waiting for the right time to reveal.  I was quitting my job and moving to Maryland!   

 No job. No place to live. No family. No money. No plan—I just wanted more and felt, perhaps, moving back to my old college stomping grounds would restore my ambition.  I was Gladys Knight—I bought a one-way ticket back to the life I once knew—Maryland.  When I told my dad, he said, “You’ll be back.  You went for Bowie; you didn’t like it and came back.  Don’t call me crying when you wanna come home.” 

October 2003 (can’t remember the exact date) I landed at Baltimore/Washington International Airport wearing a pair of brown corduroy pants, a white shirt and light blue jean jacket—a hot mess.  I had one suitcase, standing on the curb waiting for my line sister, Half, to pick me up from the airport.  Half and her boyfriend picked me up, we had dinner at TGIFriday’s, and back to her house where the first night, I slept on her daughter’s bedroom floor.  At that moment on the air mattress I thought, “What the fuck did I do that I’m on the floor in a baby’s room in Maryland?”  I was SCARED that I made the BIGGEST mistake in my life. Oh, but the God we serve.  I had a job the very next week.  Shout out to my Line sister Raina for sitting in the car almost two hours during my interview for Oakwood Worldwide! (if you know me, you're laughing, because I can't say my double u's (W). I'm off the Elmer Fudd

Here it is, almost 13 years later and I was feeling that familiar restless and depressed feeling I had in August 2003.  I’m a graduate with my Masters Degree, working in a luxury boutique hotel, wrestling with if I should go back to my on again/ off again boyfriend of 10 years.   On April 26th, 2016 sitting in my office at my desk with tears in my eyes, I said to myself, “FUCK THIS SHIT I’M GOING HOME!”  Something in me kinda snapped that day.  

Don’t get me wrong, if anyone knows me, you know I’ve been wanting to get back to the west coast for a long time, but I had to put an action to my desire—so I called my financial advisor, made plans, put in my 30-day notice to my apartment where I’ve lived for 11 years and decided I’m getting out of here come hell or high water, it was time to break up with Baltimore.

Like any relationship, the beginning is stop and go.  You feel as though you like it but not sure.  Scared you’re going to get hurt, yet love the thrill of the newness.  You like the comfort of being in the relationship and the compliments people give you when they see how you’re glowing with love.  There are the tough times, the questioning of EVERYTHING. The wondering, “What did I get myself into?”  Then there is the “semi-break up” when you have a “break” but still really your heart hasn’t gone anywhere.  Get back in love and enjoy the honeymoon phase of being back in love—but then all of the wounds are starting to re-open and you realize one day” Hell to the naw, naw”.   It’s time to get the hell out of this relationship—with Baltimore.

Baltimore afforded me the opportunity to grown in my education, professional life and personal.  I gained a wealth of friendships that will last a lifetime.  I’ve lost a few friendships due to casualty of timing, misunderstanding and simple human differential.  I’ve learned a lot about myself from the aspect of spirituality, emotions, mental, financial, physical and more.  Nevertheless, despite what I’ve learned, I’ve realized in my mental growth, I’ve realized that like Dorothy, “There’s no place like home!”   I’m here in the wonderful Land of Oz where I had a Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion (they know who they are).  I’ve come across a few “munchkins” “good witches” “wicked witches” and “flying monkey’s”.  But finally, I’ve clicked my heels three times and realized I had the power inside of myself to make the decision and I’m heading back home.  

It is very bittersweet.  My friends here on the East Coast are very sad and somber—but I’m like, “duh, we have Facebook, Instagram and text messages—we can still talk everyday like we do now!”  In their mind they seem to think it’s different, to me, I’m like its what we do now!  But really, I share in the same sadness they do, I’m just pushing my true feelings down.

West Coast—ya’ll are showing me sooooo much love and support, it’s like the SuperBowl.  Ya'll are giving 12th man type support. The constant text messages, IG posts, of encouragement and support has been phenomenal!  My biggest cheerleader my sister, Marenda!   

This chick is so inspirational it’s ridiculous!  She has rapidly become my very best friend in giving me advice, telling me “you can do this” and “I can’t wait to see you!”   

My brother, Dre is like “The west is where you belong!”  He’s down for a West Coast/East Coast war for his sister and best believe Dre will reign supreme!   

My aunt/uncle/cousins have all been texting me constantly with updates on my move.   

My good friend, Sonda—hands down has been the “foot-in-my-ass” motivator of this entire ordeal. 

My “wife” Christine, kept telling me, "whenever you get discouraged or overwhelmed with the move, call me!”   

I won’t even go into the main reason in my heart for going home…my daddy!  I promised him when he retired, I’ll move back home!  Well, here I am!

I will miss you Baltimore, I’ve had WONDERFUL TIMES! The memories are astonishing!  Thank you for showing me a life I did not imagine: hopeless first night sleeping on Half’s floor, falling in love, receiving my Masters, building lifelong friendships and hard snot-nosed lessons in life.  Through my deep-rooted ambition, motivation and drive, I made the very best of my stay there—now on to the next chapters of my life, back where I belong—on THE WEST COAST!

I've been out here for a couple of months--Although I've been all over, Seattle, Oakland, Texas (shhh) and back to Bowie next week for Homecoming, therefore I've not really had the time to really sit and get my shit together, but I'll be honest, I'm nervous and scared that shit won't pop off like it did when I got to Maryland in 2003.  I know I have to have faith and know that I made the right decision.  Hell, if not, somebody make room for me to come back to Maryland, lol. 

Just kidding!!!!

Coming to you live and direct from the temple of Malisea Queen where she’s staring out her window here in Spokane, missing her Baltimore City view remembering the good times and the bad times; yet being grateful of the experience.
Dammit, I miss 100 N. Broadway!!!  That was the epitome of Bachlorette pad!