God Spoke to me today...

God spoke to me today.  I’m not crazy.  Just read what I’m about to share with you and then, lend me your thoughts—key word is, “lend” because not all the time will I take heed to your opinions. 

To start, I’m a firm believer in that we all have a higher supreme being that created you, me, the world, and all of its wonders.  Now, whether you claim Atheist and believe we evolved from apes, that’s fine…but someone had to create the monkeys, right? 

I also believe that God lives in side of each and every living thing.  It is up to us on if we want that Holy Spirit to remain dormant, or if we listen to it when it speaks or moves you.    Ever been somewhere and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up because you know either something is about to pop off or you just don’t get a good vibe from the people in the room.  That’s God and the Holy Spirit in you telling you to get the hell out of dodge or at least be VERY AWARE. 

Anyways, with that said, I believe people, through God, come into our lives for a reason. Whether it is for a lifetime or for a span of 10 minutes.   In this instance, God spoke to me through a stranger today at the shuttle bus stop at work.

Check it, so, it’s Wednesday, I got off early because it is the day before the fourth of July.  I’m not dressed all cute, matter of fact, this is what I looked like today:

See, nothing out of the ordinary. Not all dolled up like my FB profile picture!  Yeah!  Matter of fact, a sista needs her eyebrows done and certainly can use a facial.  

Anyways!!!!

This man, I would guess in his mid to late 50’s, African American, a bit overweight, with a light complexion walked directly up to me and said, “you know you’re beautiful, right?”  

Pause.  Yes, I hear all the time men trying to pick me up and say things like that.  So, of course I assume, this old playa was about to spit some game, but watch how the story goes.

I chuckle a bit, but I don’t respond to his question of, “You know you’re beautiful, right.”  I’m modest.  I know I’m not Wanda from In Living Color,

 but I also know I’m no Kerry Washington or Kelly Rowland or Naomi Campbell (those are my images of beauty).  So because I kinda chuckled, he said, “I’m not trying to pick you up, I’m too old for that, but I think you should know you’re beautiful, but its obvious you don’t think.”

WOW!!!!  Okay.  So now I have a silly grin on my face because I don’t know what to say.  I tend to laugh when I get nervous or scared.  I’m feeling a little bit of both at the moment.

I respond to this man by saying a simple, “thank you.”

He continues:

“Well, does your husband or boyfriend tell you that you’re beautiful, because he should.” 

Uh oh, he hit a hot button with me, “Husband.”  It’s a hot button because it triggers something in my psyche to respond negatively, therefore my response was, “well, sir, obviously I’m not too beautiful, I don’t have a husband or boyfriend.”

This is when the God in this man started to talk to me:

“How old are you? 23?” he asked

“I’m 37” I said, with a deflated tone.

“You’re beautiful at 37, but you have to believe it.  Don’t let your age deter you from the fact that you’re not married.  Marriage is for mature people and not to say you’re immature, but your husband has to be mature in order to appreciate you and who you are.  Look at you standing here, tall, not an ounce of fat on you, big beautiful eyes, and a great smile, yet you don’t believe in your own beauty, how do you expect someone else to?”

Ya’ll I’m flabbergasted by the conversation.  But I’m still a bit deflated by the fact I’m admitting to this stranger I’m single at 37. 

So I respond, “Whenever I think highly of myself or walk with confidence, I’m stereotyped as siddity, stuck up or intimidating.” 

His response:

“By who? Immature people?  Low self esteem people?  Because those are the only ones who would say something like that to you or think that of you.  The men of your past only wanted your physical beauty and that’s why they’re not your husbands now.  God doesn’t make any mistakes, your beauty can’t be tainted by those who aren’t ready to nurture and care for it.  Beyond your outer appearance, I can tell you’re beautiful and obviously modest. “

The conversation went on to ask what I did for a living, and how he was a cancer patient seeking therapy at NIH (where I work), and that he refuses to get radiation, but will experiment with new medications.  He said he understand he needs to change his diet, but knows God has him dealing with Cancer for a reason. 

Then of course, the human side of him kicked in when he said, “What are you doing, waiting for the bus?  I can give you a ride.” 

I laughed and said, “I do not ride with strangers.  Stranger Danger.  But thank you, I’m just going to the other side of campus and just don’t want to walk in the rain.” 

At that point, my shuttle appeared, and he said, “It was nice talking to you.” 

I got on the bus and didn’t think anything of the conversation until I started driving home and recapped the conversation in my head, and thought.  “God, that had to be you—it just had to be.” that conversation was way too random, yet right on time.  Only God could have orchestrated that one.   And honestly, if I was dolled up, would I have received the message the same way as I did today, looking ordinary.   Probably not.  Again, it was God.

I’m 37 years old and single.  I’ve had my share of ups and downs with relationships.  I’ve been lied to, cheated on, manipulated, taken for granted, deceived, used, abused and some more.  As I mentally catalog my past relationships, I realize each of those men had their purpose in my life to experience love, laughter, pain, compromise, lust, sacrifice, humility, compassion, intimacy and friendship.  However, it is clear that none of them were the ones for me or that God has chosen for me, because if so, it would have happened by now.  But clearly he (my future husband) or I aren't ready yet.    I mean lets be real, I'm planning on going to Vegas in Sept for my birthday, and I'm looking to get all the way turnt up, no husband of mine would condone the behavior I'm looking to get into! :) 

Anyways, I will close with this:

I have this special friend, and when I say special, not just to me and my heart, but that the nigga is spppecial, like ain’t no one else like him, he a bit crazy if you ask me, anyways, his name is Maineack B.   Anyways, Mr. B told me 12 years ago, “Lisa, you’re a million dollar lottery ticket, and I just hit the lottery.  I might not deserve to win—hell, I might trick off the winnings or lose all of it to the game, but I’m going to bask in the glory of being the winner, but believe me, any man would break their right arm or betray their best friend just to be a winner and have you right now.” 

At first, I thought it was some smooth ass game, Mr. B was laying on mighty THICK, and he was right, he did trick off the winnings.  However, what I learned from him was my value.  At the time, I didn’t believe it, I just listened to the game and let it marinate…until now.  Now, I recognize that people see in you what you sometimes don't even see in yourself.  That is so divine.  But check this out, now I know, I’m a billion dollar lottery ticket and the next winner will bask in his winnings because we’ll both be ready!  not to say I suffered from low self esteem, but I certainly have my bouts with doubting myself. 

Thank you, God for using that man to talk to me.  They say, You talk to us, we just have to be aware and listen—and today I listened, and I love you too, Lord.   But really, you’re gonna send my man before 40, right? Just kidding, I know, I know, it’s all in your timing, but the tock is ticking, like for real Lord, and its LOUD! 

Anyways, ya'll I just had to share, hope you enjoyed the read and I certainly would love to hear your thoughts.   Remember, we're all a work in progress.  You keep going and keep GROWING until the day you die!